Marriage and Divorce: A Quranic perspective
Coming together of a man and a woman to form a family
is considered the most essential religious rite in all religions of the world.
A family is the foundation of a society and a center of nurturing the future
generation in a safe and healthy environment. It is the nucleus of human
civilization.
The Quran uses the word nikah for this union of a man
and a woman. It literally means getting absorbed in each other the way rainwater absorbs in the earth. Hence the Quran describes husband and wife each other’s
Zauj (equal partner). It means that both are essential to each other in the family
unit as each complements the other in a manner that, without the one, the other
cannot consider himself or herself complete. It is obvious that in the absence
of compatibility, family life will not be balanced and healthy.
The Quran describes nikah a solid contract between two
adults. Thus a marriage solemnized before adulthood is not considered a nikah
in the Quranic explanation. In fact, the Quran declares the age of marriage as
a mark of adulthood. “And test the orphans [under
your supervision] until they reach marriageable age.” (4:6)
The Quran gives an absolutely free choice for both men and women to select their life partner. On one hand, it tells men “then
marry from among women such as are lawful or desirous to you” (4:3),
while on the other it tells women that men cannot hold them against their will,
“O you who have attained to faith! It is not lawful for you to [try to] become
heirs to your wives [by holding onto them] against their will” (4:19)
Thus the Quran promotes the idea of a
balanced, compatible, and contractual marriage to ensure equality, dignity, and
responsibility. The objective of such a union is clearly defined when in
chapter four and verse 24, it says that the marriage is a union of like-minded
people to promote dignified relations.
The Quran also promotes the idea of
monogamy. It does not give free license to men to marry more than one wife. In
fact, the Quran talks of marrying a second time only when the first wife is no
longer there. “But if you desire to give up a wife and to take another in her
stead,” (4:20) In other words, marrying the second time can take place only
when the first wife is not there.
How can we reconcile this Quranic a directive with another verse that occurs in the same chapter and talks of marrying more than one wife?
“And if you have reason to fear that you
might not act equitably towards orphans, then marry from among [other] women
such as are lawful to you -
[even] two, or three, or four: but if you have reason to fear that you might
not be able to treat them with equal fairness, then [only] one - or [from
among] those whom you rightfully possess. This
will make it more likely that you will not deviate from the right course. (4:3)
Prior to that, the Quran says:
“Hence, render the orphans their possessions, and do not substitute bad things [of your own] for the good
things [that belong to them], and do not consume their possessions together
with your own: this, verily, is a
great crime.” (4:2)
In other words, marrying two, three or
four women is conditional. It is not a general permit. Nor it is a right or privilege. This provision or special clause was necessitated by the then prevailing situation. It was allowed
only to ensure the protection of orphans and widows provided absolute justice
is maintained in a relationship as the Quran made it clear “but if you have
reason to fear that you might not be able to treat them with equal fairness,
then [only] one.” (4:3) In another word, monogamy is the general rule.
Sometimes, some people make the argument
that if the wife is barren or in terminal illness, second wife in the presence
of the first wife is allowed. This is not the intention of the Quran as it says
“He gives both male and female [to whomever He wills], and causes to be barren
whomever He wills: for, verily, He is all-knowing, infinite in His power.” - 42:50
In other words, to be barren is not a
requirement for marrying the second time.
Thus, the Quran is absolutely clear on a monogamous
marriage.
Divorce
Marriage (nikah) is a contract for a
peaceful, balanced and dignified relationship. The Quran recognizes the
possibility of separation between a husband and a wife if the relationship
becomes imbalanced and undignified and differences can be irreconcilable. For
this, the Quran uses the term Talaq (divorce).
Thus, the Quran gives minute details of
the process of separation or divorce and does not leave it to the arbitrary
decision of one partner. Neither a man nor a woman can walk away from the marital relations by simply saying that you no longer are my life partner.
The Quran first advises a husband a wife to reconcile
their differences amicably if there are any of their own and if the two fail to do so then
describes an elaborate process to seek a mutually agreed solution.
It says: “And
if you have reason to fear that a breach might occur between a [married] the couple, appoint an arbiter from among his people and an arbiter from among her
people; if they both want to set things right, God may bring about their
reconciliation. Behold, God is indeed all-knowing, aware. (4:35)
In other words an arbiter from both sides
would be appointed to resolve the differences and if the arbitration council
fails to help the husband and wife reconcile their differences, then they can
recommend the divorce or if they have been given the authority to make a decision, they can pronounce and execute the divorce.
The decision to divorce is not an
individual decision, not certainly a prerogative of men to pronounce the word
talaq three times to end the relationship.
What would happen afterward? Both husband
and wife are free to marry again. However, there is a condition in this
provision for the wife. She would wait for three months and if she is pregnant, she
would wait until the delivery. During
this time, the husband is responsible for all her expenses. A man can marry without
waiting, but if he wants to reconcile with his wife, then he can renew the
marriage contract once again during this period. Thus the Quran says: “ And during this period their husbands
are fully entitled to take them back, if they desire reconciliation; but, in
accordance with justice, the rights of the wives [with regard to their
husbands] are equal to the [husbands'] rights with regard to them, although men
have precedence over them [in this respect] And
God is almighty, wise. - 2:228
The expression that “men have precedence over them
[in this respect]” is an additional opportunity
given to them to honor the contract. In fact, it is an additional
responsibility.
After
the reconciliation of the first talaq, if the relationship becomes sour and
irreconcilable then the second talaq can be executed provided the process used
during the first talaq is followed. However, if the talaq is sought and decreed
the third time, then it would be irrevocable. A woman is entitled to marry
after this third talaq and only if her second husband dies or divorces her three times, her previous husband can remarry her again.
These
are the simple rules of marriage and divorce. The Quran does not allow its
followers to decide things arbitrarily. Pronouncing the word talaq three times
by husband is not a Quranic decree or right. In fact, it is against the spirit
of the contractual relationship and basic norms to maintain a healthy family.
But
this is not what happens in our Muslim society in general. What happens is
totally in contradiction of what the Quran says. But there are so many other
contradictions in Muslim behavior when we compare it with the Quranic message.
We
must realize that the Quranic rules governing the marriage and divorce were
interpolated with values and custom that were and are still strong in patriarchal societies,
arbitrarily decided on the basis of the opinions of human beings. These rules
have nothing to do with the divine guidelines. It is, thus, imperative to
develop an honest and accurate understanding of the Quran and discard interpolation
that has occurred over the centuries.
Giving men the absolute right to verbally terminate the family by simply saying, "I divorce you three times in one sitting or in three separate sittings" is nothing but a reassertion of the old patriarchal system that allowed men to dictate their terms upon their women. It violates the spirit and the letter of the contractual relationship. It allows women in a state of total dependence on her husband and above all it makes her feel that her survival as a wife depends on the will of her husband. This is not a contractual relationship. It is nothing but glorified slavery. It is illogical, unjust and contrary to the divine wisdom. This custom is responsible for ruining the lives of millions of women who have suffered silently at the altar of what is called the religion. This custom needs to be analyzed in the light of the Quran and amended and changed because it is in clear violation of the divine justice.