Saturday, September 3, 2016

Marriage and Divorce: A Quranic perspective


Coming together of a man and a woman to form a family is considered the most essential religious rite in all religions of the world. A family is the foundation of a society and a center of nurturing the future generation in a safe and healthy environment. It is the nucleus of human civilization.
The Quran uses the word nikah for this union of a man and a woman. It literally means getting absorbed in each other the way rainwater absorbs in the earth. Hence the Quran describes husband and wife each other’s Zauj (equal partner). It means that both are essential to each other in the family unit as each complements the other in a manner that, without the one, the other cannot consider himself or herself complete. It is obvious that in the absence of compatibility, family life will not be balanced and healthy.
The Quran describes nikah a solid contract between two adults. Thus a marriage solemnized before adulthood is not considered a nikah in the Quranic explanation. In fact, the Quran declares the age of marriage as a mark of adulthood. “And test the orphans [under your supervision] until they reach marriageable age.” (4:6)
The Quran gives an absolutely free choice for both men and women to select their life partner. On one hand, it tells men “then marry from among women such as are lawful or desirous to you” (4:3), while on the other it tells women that men cannot hold them against their will, “O you who have attained to faith! It is not lawful for you to [try to] become heirs to your wives [by holding onto them] against their will” (4:19)
Thus the Quran promotes the idea of a balanced, compatible, and contractual marriage to ensure equality, dignity, and responsibility. The objective of such a union is clearly defined when in chapter four and verse 24, it says that the marriage is a union of like-minded people to promote dignified relations.
The Quran also promotes the idea of monogamy. It does not give free license to men to marry more than one wife. In fact, the Quran talks of marrying a second time only when the first wife is no longer there. “But if you desire to give up a wife and to take another in her stead,” (4:20) In other words, marrying the second time can take place only when the first wife is not there.

How can we reconcile this Quranic a directive with another verse that occurs in the same chapter and talks of marrying more than one wife?
“And if you have reason to fear that you might not act equitably towards orphans, then marry from among [other] women such as are lawful to you - [even] two, or three, or four: but if you have reason to fear that you might not be able to treat them with equal fairness, then [only] one - or [from among] those whom you rightfully possess. This will make it more likely that you will not deviate from the right course. (4:3) 
Prior to that, the Quran says:
“Hence, render the orphans their possessions, and do not substitute bad things [of your own] for the good things [that belong to them], and do not consume their possessions together with your own: this, verily, is a great crime.” (4:2)
In other words, marrying two, three or four women is conditional. It is not a general permit. Nor it is a right or privilege. This provision or special clause was necessitated by the then prevailing situation. It was allowed only to ensure the protection of orphans and widows provided absolute justice is maintained in a relationship as the Quran made it clear “but if you have reason to fear that you might not be able to treat them with equal fairness, then [only] one.” (4:3) In another word, monogamy is the general rule.
Sometimes, some people make the argument that if the wife is barren or in terminal illness, second wife in the presence of the first wife is allowed. This is not the intention of the Quran as it says “He gives both male and female [to whomever He wills], and causes to be barren whomever He wills: for, verily, He is all-knowing, infinite in His power. - 42:50
In other words, to be barren is not a requirement for marrying the second time.
Thus, the Quran is absolutely clear on a monogamous marriage.

Divorce

Marriage (nikah) is a contract for a peaceful, balanced and dignified relationship. The Quran recognizes the possibility of separation between a husband and a wife if the relationship becomes imbalanced and undignified and differences can be irreconcilable. For this, the Quran uses the term Talaq (divorce).
Thus, the Quran gives minute details of the process of separation or divorce and does not leave it to the arbitrary decision of one partner. Neither a man nor a woman can walk away from the marital relations by simply saying that you no longer are my life partner. 
The Quran first advises a husband a wife to reconcile their differences amicably if there are any of their own and if the two fail to do so then describes an elaborate process to seek a mutually agreed solution. 
It says: “And if you have reason to fear that a breach might occur between a [married] the couple, appoint an arbiter from among his people and an arbiter from among her people; if they both want to set things right, God may bring about their reconciliation. Behold, God is indeed all-knowing, aware. (4:35)
In other words an arbiter from both sides would be appointed to resolve the differences and if the arbitration council fails to help the husband and wife reconcile their differences, then they can recommend the divorce or if they have been given the authority to make a decision, they can pronounce and execute the divorce.
The decision to divorce is not an individual decision, not certainly a prerogative of men to pronounce the word talaq three times to end the relationship.
What would happen afterward? Both husband and wife are free to marry again. However, there is a condition in this provision for the wife. She would wait for three months and if she is pregnant, she would wait until the delivery.  During this time, the husband is responsible for all her expenses. A man can marry without waiting, but if he wants to reconcile with his wife, then he can renew the marriage contract once again during this period. Thus the Quran says: “ And during this period their husbands are fully entitled to take them back, if they desire reconciliation; but, in accordance with justice, the rights of the wives [with regard to their husbands] are equal to the [husbands'] rights with regard to them, although men have precedence over them [in this respect] And God is almighty, wise. - 2:228 
The expression that “men have precedence over them [in this respect]” is an additional opportunity given to them to honor the contract. In fact, it is an additional responsibility.
After the reconciliation of the first talaq, if the relationship becomes sour and irreconcilable then the second talaq can be executed provided the process used during the first talaq is followed. However, if the talaq is sought and decreed the third time, then it would be irrevocable. A woman is entitled to marry after this third talaq and only if her second husband dies or divorces her three times, her previous husband can remarry her again.
These are the simple rules of marriage and divorce. The Quran does not allow its followers to decide things arbitrarily. Pronouncing the word talaq three times by husband is not a Quranic decree or right. In fact, it is against the spirit of the contractual relationship and basic norms to maintain a healthy family.
But this is not what happens in our Muslim society in general. What happens is totally in contradiction of what the Quran says. But there are so many other contradictions in Muslim behavior when we compare it with the Quranic message.


We must realize that the Quranic rules governing the marriage and divorce were interpolated with values and custom that were and are still strong in patriarchal societies, arbitrarily decided on the basis of the opinions of human beings. These rules have nothing to do with the divine guidelines. It is, thus, imperative to develop an honest and accurate understanding of the Quran and discard interpolation that has occurred over the centuries.
Giving men the absolute right to verbally terminate the family by simply saying, "I divorce you three times in one sitting or in three separate sittings" is nothing but a reassertion of the old patriarchal system that allowed men to dictate their terms upon their women. It violates the spirit and the letter of the contractual relationship. It allows women in a state of total dependence on her husband and above all it makes her feel that her survival as a wife depends on the will of her husband. This is not a contractual relationship. It is nothing but glorified slavery. It is illogical, unjust and contrary to the divine wisdom. This custom is responsible for ruining the lives of millions of women who have suffered silently at the altar of what is called the religion. This custom needs to be analyzed in the light of the Quran and amended and changed because it is in clear violation of the divine justice.

17 comments:

  1. Salaams Brother Aslam, I wonderful article to absorb.I am glad you did not quote hadiths...

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  2. Marriage and Divorce: A Quranic perspective has been presented in a very sequential, understanding and plain language. Allah Mighty God has told us in many ayats to indulge in Taffakkur, menaing reflection. Dr. Abdullah, you did put a dent in the induced ignorance that has been forced upon Muslims by this triple-talaq hat-trick-syndrome. This article gives straight answer by injecting the words "in other words" to further explain the meaning. This article is without the complex explanations which others give or gave previously in support of triple talaq by sprinkling their answers with additional Qura'anic ayat and ahadees that are not even connected with marriage or divorce. This article is spreading awareness about the fallacy of the triple talaq and forcing us to think and to know the flexibility of Islam. That is why Islam is the Universal religion. Thanks Dr. Aslam Abdullah for educating me.

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  3. Vey well written,explains every thing to those who are willing to understand and follow Qur'an.For those who find ways to deviate from Qur'an and find escapes through different courses,worst is yet to come.But f they change their way and return to Qur'an,Allah is all forgiving and merciful.

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  5. Love is 3-dimensional:
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    The experience of peace, harmony, tranquility, and happiness in life demands securing love on a firm footing. I describe love as 3-dimensional, and these dimensions are, 1. Love of God, 2. Self-Love, and 3. Love of another person called Life Partner. There is no abiding love without Love of God and showing Love God through Self-Love for God created man and woman.

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  7. Thanks for sharing such an interesting point of view! A few days ago I've read somewhere that couples therapists say marriage is designed to help people grow — and sometimes they grow out of the relationship. Thus, a marriage can still be considered successful even if it ends in divorce. What do you think on this topic? Sounds quite logical, doesn't it?

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